Trust in God

Do you remember those cool moments back in school when you would talk about the same concept in a bunch of classes at once, and it seemed like it was just happening in some magical, organic way? Maybe I just thought those moments were special because I loved school, and because I was one of the teachers who tried to *make* that happen for the students after talking to other teachers. Well, yesterday was one of those days for me; it was the kind of day that has a common thread running through it.

Yesterday I heard again and again about the way that a lack of trust can lead people to fear and away from love.

When I went to volunteer for Kidz Church I knew we were going to talk about Jesus' miracles, and more specifically when He walked on the water out to his disciples' boat. I had forgotten about Peter walking out to Him, only to almost drown in a moment of fear. As happens so often, the large group leader made an almost off-hand comment about how Peter took his eyes off of Jesus. It was when he took his eyes off of God's Son and lost his sense of trust and belief in his safety that he began to sink. I am never quite sure what the kids take away from church lessons, but I always walk out of there with something...intangible, with an insight that I just cannot seem to get when I do my own quiet time for devotions.

Peter lost sight of the trust that he had felt just moments before, and it led him into almost instantaneous fear.

Later that day I had the opportunity to talk to a girlfriend who I hadn't spoken to in months (thank goodness for toddler nap time)! We had a lot to catch up on, and as usual, listening to what she was thinking and working towards made me feel like I too could be a better version of myself. She talked about her need to strengthen her – just wait for it – trust in God. Yeah. She shared how differently her days went when she could trust in His plan for her life. Relationships, money, and health concerns all revolve around trusting. And for Christians like us, that trust is really interwoven with a God who we see as personal and involved in our hopes and dreams.

Just like Peter, this dear friend shared how she had felt after taking her eyes off of God, after letting go of her daily time in the Word, and after easing up on the strong prayer life she had developed – she felt uncertainty and fear.

If we cannot trust, whether it be in God, in our loved ones, or even in our own capabilities, then is fear not the result?

On a more personal note, I felt a pang of fear yesterday too, and I had to (and continue to have to) remind myself to trust in Him and the path that my life will take.

I am in the second trimester of pregnancy now, and am starting to show. I knew I would have to tell our friends and family before January. I wanted to avoid the..."Hey everyone! Here's the baby!" moment. So I posted a cute picture on Facebook to break the news. Just a couple of hours later, knowing that it was Facebook official made me feel a bit fearful. What if something happened now, and I had to tell everyone that I was not pregnant? It has been a much quieter first trimester than with my first little boy for a reason. We told everyone right away with Little Man. This time...I waited. Out of fear I waited. We did not even tell the grandparents until around two months in. Even today, if I feel a sudden cramp, I get nervous. What if I lose this baby? How will I cope? When that jolt of fear sprang up in me today I tried to focus on the verses that are written out on an index card inside of our medicine cabinet:

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, in prayer and petition, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:6-7).

I am already a blessed mum, and I need to remind myself of that sometimes.
I have a beautiful child, a wonderful stepson, and a husband who loves me.
I also have a relationship with God that can sustain me through the moments of fear if I can just keep my eyes on Him, as Peter should have done out on the water.

I remember my own mother telling me that there are two places people can come from – LOVE or FEAR. I think that is true. I do not want to come from fear. It will take over my mind and darken all of the beautiful moments that are waiting for me. Living in fear will steal away my chance to see Little Man's running through the yard as a joyful moment. Living in fear will rob the peace that blue skies and crickets offer up to me. Living in love will encourage me to see the best in people, whether it is their smiles or kind intentions. Living in love will also help me to be hopeful for the future – my future and my children's.

If yesterday had been a day of classes then I would have come home marveling at the power of fear, and wondering at the chances of it being brought up in so many different situations. I suppose that yesterday was a day of classes. I know it is clichéd, but I am still a teacher and a student, and hearing about the same concept in a variety of settings is still the best way to make me sit still and actually think about it.

'Trust' may not be a four-letter word, but it is still a hard word to stomach at times.

While I can look back at the scenarios from yesterday and know that trust is totally necessary, I must also give myself some grace because I know I will fail on the trust front just like Peter and pretty much every other person, ever.

Blessed.

I am blessed to see my own fear and the fear of others in a way that allows me to step away from it, even if just for the time it takes for a breath, and to train my eyes on something bigger and lovelier.